Author Archives: Orphic
Only: ๐ซ
Until, I woke up.
You wouldn’t believe me if I said I traveled into a different dimension when I fell asleep, funny thing was I knew the place yet at the same time nothing was familiar.
This beautiful place, I can’t describe it because I wouldn’t know what to say, I’ve never been there but I felt myself arriving as I fell into peaceful slumber…
I was inside myself, my mind to be specific, and everything was so magnificent I was awestruck. That is until a dark figure smiled at me while holding my hand and made me stab myself repeatedly.
Until I realised that the dark figure was me and I woke up thinking I’d feel pain and sadness. Nothing but content flooded over me, I knew why I’d kill myself.
It’s not murder it’s closure. My toxicity needed peace and knowing that it too can have the authority to stab myself, was all I needed to understand imperfection.
I am the dark figure and I am myself who got stab. I am the victim and I am the perpetrator. Learn this and so much more, it was only a nightmare…Until, I woke up.
Rue Academia of Rhodesia.
Muisnesteโฟ
||Gift me a ladder, for my birthday please
Gift it to me only, I’ll be so relieved
And I will climb
up to the top
Where my wondering mind lays
among the clouds
Don’t promise me stars
don’t give me the moon
It’ll break my heart, from daylight to noon
It’s feels like, you returning
a part of me
That I Gifted to you Darling keep, falling
From the sky Right into my soul Darling keep, calling From the top of my mind To me
Lachesism
I would like to walk into a quiet room with calm beige-brown walls, surrounded by a small circle of strangers I’ve never met. I’d greet them using the famous lines at every rehabilitation centres therapy group, “hi my name is Rue and I’m an addict”.
I would narrate my life story and my struggle, how difficult it was to get by. Then just before I leave I mention how I do it all on purpose. You’re not wondering what my addiction is but I’ll tell you, I’m addicted to craving disaster. Nothing thrills me more than waking up everyday and hoping something horrible happens to my life.
Why? Simple, I feel inferior, I feel my problems and mental and emotional struggles are to insignificant to cry about. I feel this way because I don’t even remember why I feel the way I do, I am just a shell of who I think I used to be before I became what I don’t know.
The only thing that keeps me going is the little hope I have that a catastrophe will take places and ruin my life so that I can finally have a good enough reason to cry myself to sleep every night.
The Chronicles of Orphic 